I dont fear the death itself. But I fear the painful process.
My grandfather passed away when I was 5. He died in his sleep. Thats it. Yesterday he was painting the wall and then go to bed as usual, the next morning he didn’t wake up. His wife, my grandmother passed away 2 years ago. She told us that she wanted to go the the hospital because her chest is a little bit hurt. My Mom and my aunt brought her. She was lying on the bed. No any critical pain but a little pain on her chest. And while we are talking, she was sleeping. Just like that, my aunt screamed calling her but she never woke up again.
Lately I was diagnosed with some disease that can’t be cured. I was having fun all the time, I never really trully believed in my fate and religion. But since I was diagnosed, I nearly crazy. I couldn’t sleep for weeks and everything that I was doing made me paranoid of the future of how I am going to die. Then I remembered my parents, my family. I go home right away. I tell them about my disease and I cried, I beg for their forgiveness because I often hurt their heart just so I can have fun in my own life. Their reaction? They cried too. They forgive me. And I was so lucky that I still have my Mom and Dad even though I went home carying a bad news.
I don’t much care with the having fun itself anymore. Because I don’t want to regret anything once if I, or maybe any of my family member passed away.
So, despite any religion you are believing, death is a certain call for all of us eventually. I envy them who have passed away in their sleep. Do they feel any pain? But for me who is now carries this disease, am I gonna die of this disease when the time comes? How am I going to die? Will my Mom still be alive to accompany me when I’m dying? I don’t know how to face that pain without her.
But this event made me realize that maybe death isn’t that bad at all. But the fear of death itself is, both physicly or mentally. Therefore, if one day I was going to die because of my disease, at least I dont want to feel pain mentally. Even though I still want to die in my sleep like my grandfather. But having fun is not my focus anymore. I want to value the time I still have right now until my very last breath. Even if it will hurt someday. I’m now closer to God. I start praying again.
This doesn’t answer the question above but, death is certain. And when the time comes, the death itself that will lift our pain. Death isn’t hurt, life is.I dont fear the death itself. But I fear the painful process.
My grandfather passed away when I was 5. He died in his sleep. Thats it. Yesterday he was painting the wall and then go to bed as usual, the next morning he didn’t wake up. His wife, my grandmother passed away 2 years ago. She told us that she wanted to go the the hospital because her chest is a little bit hurt. My Mom and my aunt brought her. She was lying on the bed. No any critical pain but a little pain on her chest. And while we are talking, she was sleeping. Just like that, my aunt screamed calling her but she never woke up again.
Lately I was diagnosed with some disease that can’t be cured. I was having fun all the time, I never really trully believed in my fate and religion. But since I was diagnosed, I nearly crazy. I couldn’t sleep for weeks and everything that I was doing made me paranoid of the future of how I am going to die. Then I remembered my parents, my family. I go home right away. I tell them about my disease and I cried, I beg for their forgiveness because I often hurt their heart just so I can have fun in my own life. Their reaction? They cried too. They forgive me. And I was so lucky that I still have my Mom and Dad even though I went home carying a bad news.
I don’t much care with the having fun itself anymore. Because I don’t want to regret anything once if I, or maybe any of my family member passed away.
So, despite any religion you are believing, death is a certain call for all of us eventually. I envy them who have passed away in their sleep. Do they feel any pain? But for me who is now carries this disease, am I gonna die of this disease when the time comes? How am I going to die? Will my Mom still be alive to accompany me when I’m dying? I don’t know how to face that pain without her.
But this event made me realize that maybe death isn’t that bad at all. But the fear of death itself is, both physicly or mentally. Therefore, if one day I was going to die because of my disease, at least I dont want to feel pain mentally. Even though I still want to die in my sleep like my grandfather. But having fun is not my focus anymore. I want to value the time I still have right now until my very last breath. Even if it will hurt someday. I’m now closer to God. I start praying again.
This doesn’t answer the question above but, death is certain. And when the time comes, the death itself that will lift our pain. Death isn’t hurt, life is.
